When What Happened Shouldn't Have Happened
by musingsofnobody
Summary: It had been exactly six months today, since your split. Everybody thought that you moved on. Everybody said you looked happy again. What they didn’t know was that you kept counting.


**Disclaimer:** Err, I don't own the characters, I mean, they're real people so, yeah. Lol. I don't know. Haha.

**A/N:** So I don't really know if I'm allowed to be posting this here, but I think I saw a fic like this and I thought I'd post this too. Ugh. That was hard to explain. Lol. Anyway, I would love it if you'll spend sometime reading this.

**Title:** When What Happened Shouldn't Have Happened

**Chapter1**: Let's Sit Silently and Watch Each Other from Afar

* * *

It had been exactly six months today, since your split. Everybody thought that you moved on. Everybody said you looked happy again. What they didn't know was that you kept counting. You counted the days that she wasn't beside you when you wanted her to be, the moments when she won't even look at you when you're watching her. The off chances where both of you would meet eye to eye in which she always turns away. You counted them all. You know you screwed up, big time. You wish you could take it back, but you know, and so does everybody else that you can't. So you find something that could lessen the pain, you start dating. It took all of you to put a brave face and smile to each camera that flashed. It killed you to be kissing someone else that's not her, but you also know you don't deserve her, like everybody around you says, she deserves so much better.

CS/BL

It had been exactly six months today, since your split. Everybody thought you were doing just fine. Everybody said you have finally healed. What they didn't know was that you were still hurting, and that you kept counting. You counted the mornings when you would wake up alone and the evenings where you cried because he wasn't there. The moments when you can't even look at him when it's not work because it just hurts too damn much. The chances where your eyes meet but you look away knowing he's looking at you with pity. You didn't want to be the one who was hung up on the relationship so you dated; hoping something good will come out of it. Everyone has been telling you that you can do much better, that you're better off without him, that you deserve better. But every time they tell you that, all you wanted to ask them was, why can't you deserve him?

CS/BL

You're alone in your trailer and you wake up with a big hangover. You feel like you head is splitting and you glance at your alarm clock, in which it read: 7:37 am. Slowly you try to make your way to the bathroom when you heard someone knock on your door. It's probably loud enough to get someone who's not on a hangover come to the door. You however aren't that person this morning. You felt like your head was about to crack open. Determinedly, you made your way to the door before that someone starts knocking again. You open the door and you see Joy.

"Good morning Chad." She greets you cheerily. On a usual morning you would've probably smiled at her and greeted her back too, but today is different. You hear things like they were so high pitched so your eyes narrowed and you rub your temples.

"Jesus! Are you okay?" She asks worriedly as she looked closer at your eyes. You noticed three cups of what probably contained coffee in her hands and you winced in pain again. Slowly you say "Please speak softly." And you managed to force a smile on your face.

"Have you been drinking?" Joy asks and she wonders why, but you simply tell her you just felt drinking last night and it was no big deal. She buys it and offers you one of the cups. You choose the one in the middle and she decides to let you get past your hangover.

"Thanks for the coffee." You tell her softly, and she smiles. "Well, I hope to see you on the party tonight, so we could all have a big hangover tomorrow." She jokes and she smiles at you sympathetically. You know she wanted to ask what the problem is, but maybe she feels like it wasn't her place. So you just nod and with that she left.

CS/BL

You got up from bed a tad earlier than usual today. You see the empty table in your trailer. Six months ago it would've had coffee sitting on it waiting for you, but that was a six months ago. You let a heavy sigh escape from your lips because no one can see you. Besides, Joy had promised to get you coffee today so at least that's a plus. In no time you hear a knock on the door and you figured it's probably Joy with your coffee. So you go get and you put on your brave face. What Joy and Hilarie know is that you were slowly healing; unbeknownst to them was that you haven't even started moving on.

You open the door and you see a smiling Joy. Her arm outstretched as she held your cup of coffee. "Ooh! Coffee!" You say excitedly, you even got your eyes grow bigger. "Thanks! You're such an angel." You tell her with a big smile on your face. She rolled her eyes and waved a hand at you saying it's nothing.

"Well I'll be going. I still need to give this to Hil." She says as she held up a tray with only one cup remaining. "But I will see you at the party tonight." She says with a wink and you nod in affirmation, with that she left.

You shut the door and you set the coffee on the table and grabbed a stool. Time sure flied so fast. It was just like yesterday when the third season ended, and now here you are back where it all started and about to start filming the fourth season already. Two more days and you start filming again, and you know this time it will be harder than the last, because now you're no longer angry, you're still hurting, yes, but you've already forgiven him. You're almost done with you're coffee when you hear your blackberry ringing. It read: Jon calling…

You think twice before you answer it. "Hey Babe." You try as hard as you can to sound happy because he called. Surprisingly, you succeeded. "Good morning beautiful." He said in reply, and truthfully, it made you smile.

"How do you know I don't look like a mess?" You ask in a playful tone and somehow you manage to temporarily forget about your worries. "You always look beautiful." He replies and then your face falls. What he said kept ringing in your head, only it wasn't his voice. It was Chad's.

You were taken aback by what he said and no voice, nor words wanted to come out of your mouth, until he spoke again. "Hey Soph? You there?" He asks due to your lack of response. "Yeah, yeah. I was just overwhelmed by your compliment." You managed to say and you almost stutter. In the background you hear him chuckle. You imagine his face and you see him smiling. "Well it's true." He tells you, and you wonder once again why you deserved someone like him.

The conversation went on where he ended up asking you if you wanted to have dinner with him, in which you politely declined because you have the party with the cast and crew _only _of One Tree Hill later tonight. He wasn't so pleased to hear about it, you can tell with his voice, but he understands and he tells you to go, because he knows it's important to you.

CS/BL

You finished your coffee right after you showered. You feel much better compared to how you were feeling earlier this morning. You silently thank Joy for offering you that cup and you heave a heavy sigh. You were about to throw the cup when you see something scribbled on the side. You assumed it's Joy's name but once you read it you started to get worried. Sophia, it read, and just like that you start to think about her again. The coffee you so leisurely drank was intended for her. Now she probably has no coffee because of you. Then you pause, and you realized how pathetic you are for worrying over a cup of coffee you obviously didn't know belonged to her.

You remember the moments a year ago when you used to bring her coffee in the morning. She always kissed you or hugged you and thanked you for all the little things you did. She always showed how much she appreciates you, and thinking about it now just made you miss her more. Those were the moments where you feel good about yourself the most because you know that you've actually made someone important to you smile that day.

Night came and you didn't leave the trailer the whole day, so you decided to come to the party early. You arrive at the place and some of the crew were there already, including Mark. James and Lee were already sitting on the bar, but the girls are nowhere to be seen. They always were fashionably late as Sophia liked to call it. You see someone in the karaoke and the song gets to you.

_But even though_

_We moved our separate ways_

_My love for you is still the same_

_My heart still beats you name_

_I wish you'll hear me singing_

_Singing this song for you_

_Let you know that I'm still_

_Still longing for your love_

You're brought out of your trance when you see Joy and Hilarie arrive together, but you don't see Sophia with them. You wanted to ask them where she is but you stop yourself from doing so. You used to do that when you were still together, but for six months now, you and her are no longer _you and her_ anymore. You figured you have lost that right, so you just sit silently, hoping that in the next minutes she'll be sitting with the rest of you.

CS/BL

You're running late and you blame everything on your suddenly defective hair dryer. Yes, you're an emotional wreck, but that only happens in the comforts of your trailer. You can't possibly use that as an excuse for being a fashion wreck too, so you rummage through your purse to retouch your make up a little. Then you get out of your car, the one he had given to you.

People must've been wondering why you're still using it. Some had judged you for it, but only one person dared ask you why. You answer her simply because you tell her everything. You told her it was the one thing that he gave you, and whenever you use it, you feel like everything's going to be okay. When she heard of it she said she was crept out. You laugh at yourself for coming up with such a pathetic excuse, but what can you do? That's exactly the reason why you're still keeping and using it.

You continue to the place and it's already packed with the crew. Then you hear someone's voice call your name. It was James. "Sophia! Over here!" He called out as he smiled at your direction in which you smiled back. You approach them and then your smile falls for a second because you see that the only remaining seat was the one across _him. _You wonder for a moment if they are playing with you, but then you realize they won't do that so you put a brave face as you smiled at them, but never looking at him.

After not having to see him for two months, you now sit across each other. A splurge of emotions battled inside you, fortunately, you managed to keep them to yourself. You are Sophia Bush after all. Your eyes haven't met because simply you refuse to look at him. You feel like if your eyes ever meet he'll see right through you, and that scares the hell out of you. Hilarie must've noticed that you feel uneasy so she nudged you a little and you give her a confused look. "You look great Soph." She says in an almost whisper, loud enough for only you to hear, and you smile at her attempt to comfort you. She sticks her tongue out as you shake your head, a small smile crossing your lips. Still, you refuse to look at him.

CS/BL

You've been looking at her since she arrived. The others must've noticed it, hell, she must've noticed it. Your eyes are fixed on her hoping she'll look at you, but she didn't, not once looked your way. Hilary told her something which made her smile, and you wonder what it could possibly be. You think back and you remember the times when you used to whisper things to her and you get all sorts of reactions you all equally loved.

You feel like you can no longer hold back your emotions so you decide to talk to her. Half a year has been long enough and you couldn't go another without her in your life. So you muster up all the courage you have in you. "Sophia." You managed to say, yet your voice still cracked. Everybody in the table stopped and they looked at you, and for the first time that night, she did too. Your eyes met but you're terrified by what you saw, rather by what you didn't see. All you could tell was that she was surprised, like she doesn't expect a word from you at all. You can no longer read her like you used to.

You are at a loss of words for a second, but when you managed to find them you hear someone call your name. The voice was very familiar that you didn't need to see who it is to know it's her. "Chad!" She called out. It wasn't raspy or husky like Sophia's, rather it was high pitched, so high, that some people actually want to cover their ears because of its tone.

Everyone glanced at her direction, including you, and you all see her. Kenzie Dalton, also referred to as you fiancée. You wonder for a bit what it was that made you propose to her, but you immediately dismiss the thought. You get into perspective and you watch her walk towards you. Her skin, though white, didn't looked like it's smooth to touch like Sophia's, neither did it glowed because of its beauty. You notice your height difference and you realize you don't have the perfect height ratio. Then you see her smile, but something was missing, she doesn't have those dimples, rather those deformations as Sophia liked to call them. Then you come to a conclusion, she's not those things because she's_ not_ Sophia.

The next thing you hear was James asking if anyone wanted a drink. You turn around and you see Joy and Sophia leaving their seats. You get up from your seat too, and you wanted to tell her to stay because you have something to say, but no words came. The three of them walked away, and as much as you wanted to catch up with them, you can't because Kenzie was now hugging you. She smiles at you and you try your best as you force a smile to your lips.

She says hi to everyone on the table and from the corner of your eye you see Mark flinch a bit. You look at him apologetically and he returns what looked to you like a sympathetic smile, so you ask Kenzie to talk to you for a sec., and both of you leave the table, but not before you catch a glimpse of Sophia, her back facing you.

CS/BL

Your shock from the earlier happenings, haven't completely subsided yet. In fact, if James hadn't been quick to offer to get drinks, you would've probably been glued to your seat. When your eyes met you felt like all hell just break loose inside of you, and you feared he saw right through you. You're so deep in thought that you didn't notice you've reached the bar.

"Soph? Are you okay?" James asks as he snaps his finger in front of you, then looking over to Joy who seems to be a little worried.

"I'm fine you guys." You look at them both and let them see you smile. James was about to say something, but Joy cut him off.

"You know, we should just get drunk! Let's get wasted!" She says, her voice almost inviting. "After this it'll all be work." She stated matter of factly, and both you and James just look at her weirdly.

"Are you serious?" You ask, because it's totally unlike her to suggest something like that. Now Hilarie, Hilarie would. Although in the end she'll tell you she's just kidding.

"No, actually, I don't recommend drinking. It'll just give you a big hangover in the morning." She says her eyes looked like she was thinking. James looks at you as if asking if you know anything about it and you just shrug.

Unconsciously, your eyes drift towards the table you previously occupied. A feeling of hurt and jealousy raged inside you when you don't see _them _there. Immediately you shrug the feeling off and you see Antwon dancing goofily with Bevin, making a smile cross your lips.

Somewhere between Antwon's hilarity and Lee's out of the world ideas, you managed to actually have fun. You temporarily forget about the feelings you suddenly developed for the past few weeks, but then you see _them_ talking and it all comes crashing back.

CS/BL

You were so surprised to see her there, that the first words that came from you wasn't a hi and neither a hello. "Kenzie, what are you doing here?" You ask in frustration and any smart human being would've probably noticed by the way you asked that you don't want them there, but she was too naïve.

"I wanted to surprise you baby. I know I told you I won't be back for another three days, but it's a good thing I'm here now right?" She whispers at your ears sweetly then locking her hands around your neck.

You would've probably whispered sweet things back to her if you are at normal circumstances, but you weren't. Right now, you are just confused about having feelings you shouldn't be having anymore, and the last thing you need is somebody reminding you about not having them, so instead of appreciating her efforts you tell her about the party.

"Listen Kenz, this was supposed to be a crew and cast party _only_. I really think you shouldn't be here." You tell her straight in the face and the sparkle in her eyes vanished. You realize how much an ass you must've sounded, but her being there would just make things worse for you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I guess I should leave." Her hands that were formerly locked on your neck were no longer there, as she stood in front of you tears developing in her eyes.

"Kenz, don't be upset. It's just that-" You're going to tell her the reason you told her earlier but she cut you to it. "This is a cast and crew party only. I know." With that she starts to walk away, and you just look at her as her figure vanished, not even thinking about going after her.

You feel like you could really use a drink but you don't really want everyone to see you so you go over to Mark and you tell him you'll take off already. He asks if you're okay and you tell him you feel a little off, and that you've decided to return to your trailer. He agrees, and with that you leave, a thousand thoughts still running through your head.

CS/BL

The night went on and you figured it wouldn't do you any good if you kept thinking about _him _so you try your best to at least temporarily forget. That's when Jon calls.

"Hey Babe." He greets, just after you answered. He sounds happy and it makes you feel good about yourself. At least you make someone happy, you thought to yourself.

"Hey. What are you up to?" You ask, simply because you don't know what to say to him anymore. "Nothing, I just needed to hear your voice." He says sweetly, and no matter how much you try to feel something, you only think it's sweet. It doesn't make your heart melt, and neither does it make you weak on your knees.

Still, you pretend. "You're so sweet." You tell him and somehow an image of him smiling flashes on your mind. "I miss you Soph." He says and your heart sinks, because as he tells you he misses you, you think about someone else.

"You too." You simply say, because truthfully, you can't even tell him you miss him, because in fact, you've been thinking of everything else but him. You feel guilty so you suggest you'd do something with him, because maybe, that's what you need, and that maybe it'll take away the guilt.

"Do you have something to do tomorrow?" You ask and he's silent for a while, until you hear him answer. "Actually, I don't. Why? Do you want to do something?" He asks and you can hear the excitement in his voice.

"Yeah, maybe we could do lunch? I mean, if it's okay with you." You imply suggestively. "Of course it's okay. So I'll see you at lunch tomorrow then?" He confirms and you say yes. He then hangs up, but not before he tells you "I love you."

You are left dumfounded by his words, and you realized it was the first time he said that he loves you. It kept ringing in your head and you don't feel the least happy about it. It dawned on you that with all the pretension, you could end up not only hurting yourself, but other people as well. Sadly, the guilt didn't go away, if anything, it just grew bigger.

You're brought out of your thoughts when Lee crashes into you. Clearly, he had too much to drink already. "Okay! Boozy. Let me help you." You tell him as you hooked one of his arms around you. Just then James came running to help you.

"Lee definitely followed Joy's advice." James started jokingly, his eyes looking at Lee playfully. "That's for sure." You smile at him. Your acting skills definitely come in handy.

"I should take him back." James suggested, when the same idea came popping in your head. "Actually, I could. I mean, I think I'll call it a night." You suggest and he eyes you as if verifying if it's really okay.

"Are you sure?" He asks and you nod. Before you know it. Lee's in your car and you're driving back to your trailer. He slurs something you couldn't make anything out of. After a ten minute drive, you've parked your car and you're walking him towards his place when his body suddenly felt lighter, and there, you see _him._

You don't say a word to him. Instead you kept walking and you looked in front, and tried to focus. You eventually reached Lee's trailer and he rested him on his bed. You both walked out of his trailer, and if it were up to you, you would just want to go back to your trailer and have a good night's sleep, but as you know it, things don't exactly turn out the way you hope them to.

"That'll be a huge headache tomorrow." He started and you don't know what to say. You considered looking at him but still, you don't think it's a good idea. You kept walking towards your trailer and to your surprise he doesn't seem like he's going to go away. So you stop and finally you look at him.

"What do you want?" You ask him, your voice doesn't break and neither does it show any emotion. Your eyes meet and somehow you think you saw hurt in his for a second, but that's just probably because of your imagination. He doesn't answer, so you just shake your head and you continued walking.

CS/BL

You see her walking away, and you feel that everything is wrong. "Soph, wait." You call out to her and surprisingly she stops. It hurt you that when she asked what you wanted, she was so cold, but you know deep down, you deserve it. All of it.

"What do you want Chad?" She asks again. You don't really know what she feels now because it was as if you lost the ability to read her, and her voice sounded to you like she's already irritated.

"I just, I want to talk to you." You finally managed to say, hoping she'll at least stay and listen to what you have to say. She turns around and she faces you, straight faced. She doesn't say a word so you start talking again.

"I know I shouldn't be saying these things but the past months had been so hard for me." You tell her and your voice breaks. You expect that she'll at least pity you but she doesn't, instead she just stood there silently. "I'm sorry for being the failure of a husband that I am. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry for everything, but I really, _really need_ you back in my life Soph." You finally admit, and you feel like you could breathe easier. Silence took over and your heart breaks when she said its okay, and you don't know why.

CS/BL

When you heard his voice crack, you felt your heart break at the same time. You wanted to tell him already that you forgive him, but he continued talking. When he told you he needs you back in his life you almost lost your balance because your knees went weak.

"It's okay." You finally say after you feel you could finally talk. "What you did before, with Paris, or with anybody else. It's okay. I forgive you." You tell him as you brave to force a smile on to your face hoping that right at that moment he doesn't see right through you, like he used to. You felt like every bone in your body wanted to break at that moment, but you didn't let them, because you can't lose it, not when he's seeing you.

He was silent and you don't know if he's glad that you forgave him. So you continued talking. "It hurt, you know, but look at us now, I'm happy, you're happy. Everything is finally working out right?" You lie through your teeth, and you feel like just breaking down there and then already.

CS/BL

She's happy. She's happy. No matter how much you wanted to feel relieved, you can't, knowing she's happy, even though you weren't in her life anymore. You feel your stomach churn when she said you're happy, and that everything is finally working out, because as far as you're concerned, nothing is working out.

"Yeah." You reply, and you almost choke. "I'm happy. Kenzie's really great." Before you could even realize what you're saying, it's already too late to take them back. You look at her straight in the eye looking for something along the lines of hurt and jealousy and for a second you think you did, but that's just probably because it's what you want to believe.

"See? Everything is working out." She tells you with a smile and your heart breaks because the small amount of hope that remained inside of you was cut into half by what she said. "I guess you're right." You tell her and you smile, telling yourself you should at least be happy for her.

CS/BL

Your knees are going weaker by the second and if things continue you feel like you'll just lose it, so you decided to say goodbye. "So, I should be going. I'm really tired." You tell him with a smile and this time you actually see his face fall. Like he was hoping to talk with you more. "Oh." Was what you heard from him next.

"I mean, yeah, sure. You should go." He continues and he runs his hand through his hair. You recall that he used to do that when he's agitated and nervous, but you choose to just not read into it much.

You nod and you started to walk away, but not before he bid you goodnight in which you told him the same. You turn around to look at him and he's still looking at you, a smile on his face. "I'll see you around." He shouts, and it brings you a feeling of happiness.

CS/BL

You see her walk away, and you even thought of walking her to her door, but you figured that'd be asking too much. You thought that maybe she still needs her space, so you just watch her. She turns to you and it made your heart flutter. That small hope that remained in you seemed to have gotten bigger with her smile.

You wonder about your what if's again. What if you had fought harder for the two of you then, what if you hadn't agreed with the divorce. Would things be different?Would the two of you still be together? Or is everything really meant to turn out this way for both of you?

When you see her reach her door, you started to walk away. A thousand what if's run through your head, but not even one answer came. You heave a heavy sigh, at least, now, you know she's forgiven you. You feel happy about it, but not the kind that makes you want to jump with joy, because what forgiveness meant to you was that she's moving on.

It had been exactly six months today and you still kept counting. Tomorrow it'll be a new number, but it wouldn't matter, because tonight she told you she forgives you, and even though that didn't mean the two of you getting back together, you still feel a tweak of happiness inside you, because now you know you'll have her in your life again, and that, _that_ meant everything to you.

CS/BL

It had been exactly six months today, and for the longest time you feel like you could breathe easier. You managed to talk to him, and although it hurt at some points, you wouldn't trade it for any day for the past months where all you did was to catch glances of him, hoping your eyes wouldn't meet. You finally told him you forgive him, and you hope, for your sake, that with that, you finally got closure, and that maybe you'll be able to really move on, but a feeling of sadness comes to you, because as much as you think you want to, your heart isn't just willing to do so.

* * *

By the way, I don't really know the exact time after their split when they started dating other people again, so, my time in this fic will most probably be off and for that I'm sorry. Anyway. I would love to hear about what you have to say. :)


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